Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version,
copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a division of Good News Publishers.
Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter Twelve
Unexpected Conversations
For a brief moment I deserted you, but with great compassion I will gather you. Isaiah 54:7
There were two reasons Mike and Anne were happy when Mike was re-accepted into the Navy’s medical
residency in Virginia, in the summer of 1996. It put them close to Duke University in North Carolina, and, for the first time, they would look for a house to purchase, rather than rent.
They found a place outside Suffolk, Virginia. Built prior to the Civil War, the two-story antebellum style house had a metal roof. It was situated in the middle of sixty acres—crop rotation around the house was peanuts one year, followed by cotton the next. The entire house needed updating, but the Schlegels didn’t have the time or the money for everything they dreamed of doing. They decided to focus on remodeling and updating the kitchen, which was attached to a breezeway leading to the main part of the house.
Mike’s residency program required him to work brutal hours. He was still propped up on steroids, experiencing esophageal spasms, and leg pain. The steroids offered limited help for those symptoms.
“The rest of 1996 would prove to be a blur for both of us. Mike had little time to help with gutting the house. We wanted to take it back to its original state. In the process, we found musket balls and clothing dating back to the late 1800’s and early 1900’s. We donated those items to the museum in Suffolk.
“A few weeks after purchasing the house, Mike and I found a church home that quickly felt like it was where God wanted us to be. We were soon involved in small groups, where we began making friends. I started teaching Sunday School for four-year olds.
“We kept pouring funds into the gutting and refurbishing process. We soon felt the strain on our budget. It was evident I would need to go back to work, but I postponed a job search until after the first of January 1997.
Mike Pushes for Adoption
“Early in 1996, prior to our moving to Virginia, Mike had brought up the subject of adoption. He wouldn’t let go of the idea. We knew there were plenty of babies and young children who needed a home, and that was something we could provide.
“I knew Mike loved the idea of adoption, but I knew it wouldn’t happen. Each night, before we would pray together, Mike would read from the Bible. He hadn’t read from Isaiah.
“As the kitchen renovation began to wind down, Mike again brought up the topic of adoption. His work schedule left no time to gather information, so the task fell to me.”
To satisfy her and Mike’s curiosity and put to rest his persistence, Anne called an adoption agency in Virginia. The case worker had a few simple questions, then was quick to inform her that due to Mike’s diagnosis of PNH, they wouldn’t be able to adopt. Anne wasn’t willing to take no for an answer.
“I called another adoption agency, and while the case worker seemed sympathetic, I was given the same information. The state of Virginia wasn’t going to let us adopt, due to Mike’s terminal diagnosis. With kindness in her tone, the woman explained it was state law, and that her agency couldn’t bend the law. But she didn’t stop there.
“She proceeded to tell me the only way we would be able to adopt a child would be through a private adoption agency, She further explained that even then, we would need to literally have someone select us as parents and place a child in our arms.
“When I told Mike what I’d learned, I figured he would drop the subject. I had checked into the process, and now we would just have to accept that adoption wasn’t going to happen for us. I had to admit it was hard news to swallow, knowing so many children needed a good home.”
Anne Finds Work
“In January of 1997 I began praying about a job, seeking God’s direction. I soon learned about an opening for the position of office manager at a veterinarian’s office. It was a solo practice where the vet specialized in the treatment of small animals, mostly dogs and cats. Included in the clinic’s services were boarding and grooming.
“The more I learned about the specifics of the job, the less I liked the idea of working there. The commute would be easy, but I thought the vet was expecting a bit much for his office manager to take dirty laundry home each night and bring it back in, clean and folded, the next morning. I thought it best to continue my job search.
"I specifically told God I had many trepidations about taking that job. I had the required experience and qualifications, but the laundry thing—that wasn’t appealing. I knew God would accept my reasoning.
“When He told me to take the job, I didn’t understand. But I couldn’t ignore his message in John 10:17, where He says His sheep hear His voice and they follow Him. I didn’t know where God was leading—did he want me in that office to witness to someone, to share His message of love and forgiveness? I didn’t know. I just knew he had His hand on me.”
Anne’s responsibilities at the vet clinic were varied. In addition to working the front desk and scheduling appointments, she was responsible for keeping the pharmacy well-stocked and coordinating work schedules for the rest of the staff. And always, there was the nightly laundry.
The Phone Call
One afternoon, while Anne was busy stocking the pharmacy, she was told there was a phone call for her—someone was asking for the blonde manager. Anne wasn’t keen on having her work interrupted to take a call from someone asking for her by hair color. She had to wonder who would do that. Even if Mike were feeling good and in a playful mood and called her at work, he wouldn’t ask for the blonde manager.
“I went to the front desk to take the call, unaware that a strange conversation was about to take place."
“Are you the blonde manager?” the female voice inquired.
“Yes, I am. This is Anne.”
“You probably don’t remember me. This is Helen.”
“I do remember you Helen. How may I help you?”
Helen replied, “You are supposed to have this baby.”
Anne was thankful no one was around to see the expression on her face. She wasn’t supposed to have this baby or any baby, until Mike read her fleece, and that hadn’t happened. She quickly composed herself and gathered her thoughts.
Remembering Helen
Anne’s thoughts immediately went to the March day Helen had walked into the clinic, purse in one hand and a cat carrier in the other, saying her pet needed a spay job. In nearly the same breath, she inquired about an opening at the clinic that a friend had mentioned.
Anne and a technician made arrangements for the spay surgery. The technician took the necessary information and answered Helen’s questions regarding her cat. Anne couldn’t help but observe Helen’s demeanor. It seemed she was carrying the proverbial weight of the world on her shoulders.
When the technician had finished, Anne felt called to speak with Helen before letting her leave the office.
“It’s none of my business, but you seem to be carrying a heavy burden. Is there anything I can do for you?”
Helen hesitated for a minute, and Anne figured she was wondering whether to confide in a stranger.
“Well, I just found out I’m pregnant.”
Tears began trickling down Helen’s face, confirming for Anne why she had felt called to speak with her. Thankfully, the front office was quiet, a rare occurrence. Helen was eighteen years old and scared. Anne’s heart went out to the girl, who instead of preparing for high school graduation and using her scholarship in the fall for college, was trapped in a situation she hadn’t thought she would ever find herself.
“Helen confided to me she was considering all her options. I sensed she wouldn’t take kindly to a hand on her shoulder, or a hug.
“May I pray for you?”
Anne sensed the teen’s surprise at her question. She’s not sure how to respond, Anne thought.
“Well, okay,” Helen said finally. “But not out loud.”
As they stood close together, Anne bowed her head and quietly and quickly prayed.
Dear Lord, please place your hand of protection over this young girl, and the child she is carrying. There are so many people who can’t have children. Please protect this child and pave the way for a healthy birth. Amen.
Before Helen left, Anne made sure she had a contact number where the clinic could reach her when her cat was ready to go home. She also made sure she had a job application in hand. Maybe the prospect of a job would help ease Helen’s fears.
At home that night, Anne told Mike about the call from the young girl asking for the blonde manager. It had been less than a year since they learned that adoption through a state agency wasn’t an option. That night, after Mike read from the Bible, they prayed for Helen and her baby.
Question Asked
Anne hoped she sounded composed as she brought her thoughts back to the phone conversation, reassuring Helen she remembered her. She and Mike had been praying for her for the past four months.
“Helen, have you had any prenatal care?”
Anne wasn’t surprised the answer was no.
“Well, I can make an appointment for you, or you can make an appointment, but you need care for you and your baby.”
Concerned for the baby’s well-being, and equally concerned for Helen’s health during pregnancy, Anne immediately made an appointment for her to receive quality medical care for herself and her baby. Anne also asked Helen about counseling. She put together a list of names of reputable counselors, and was later pleased to learn Helen took the initiative to not only select a counselor, but to book an appointment.
“Mike and I wanted Helen to carry her baby full-term, so we agreed we’d foot the bill for her medical care and counseling. I even made myself available to take Helen to her appointments. Even though we hadn’t accepted the offer to adopt the child she was carrying, I was determined she would deliver a healthy baby.
“When we weren’t at work and when I wasn’t taking Helen to her appointments, we continued our efforts to get the house refurbished to our liking. There were times Mike’s mood swings were more than I could handle, and I’d leave and go for a walk. Some days it was the only way I could keep from wanting to strangle my sick husband.”
Walking away when Mike’s behavior became too much, was one of the strategies she had learned in counseling. It worked.
“Sometimes I’d call my friend Darlene and we’d walk together. We’d met one day when we were both walking down Lake Kilby Road; often we’d walk a two-mile loop. During our visits I came to appreciate her moral convictions and strong work ethic. She had married well, and was devoted to her husband, who treated her like a queen. I soon learned Darlene always made herself available to meet her husband’s needs; he came first, right after God and before their two children.”
Walking proved to be a good stress reliever. It wasn’t as physically demanding as tearing down walls and painting.
Vacation Time
Early in July, as they sat down to one of Mike’s favorite meals, meatloaf and fried potatoes, they talked about what long hours they’d been putting in and how it had been almost a year since they had taken a vacation. As a result of that conversation, Mike called his brother David. Ironically, David and his wife were also considering a vacation.
After making necessary arrangements for time off work, the two couples agreed to fly to Washington state to meet up for some touring and hiking. David’s wife, Lisa, who was six weeks pregnant, had managed to avoid morning sickness and felt terrific. After two days touring the Seattle area, both couples were ready to spend time in the peace and quiet of the mountains. Anne and Mike were especially excited—hiking and being outdoors was still appealing.
As they hit the trail that first day, Mike wasn’t feeling well enough to carry much in the way of supplies. Anne had his gear, and hers, in a backpack weighting almost 60 pounds.
David was carrying gear for himself and his wife. As they hiked, Anne found herself feeling jealous of the way David was treating Lisa—like a china doll that would break at any moment. The more Anne observed David’s undivided attention and concern for his pregnant wife, the more she found herself wishing she would receive the same from Mike.
“No, I wasn’t pregnant, but he had been so attentive when we were dating, and I hadn’t been on the receiving of that kind of consideration for a long time. Watching my brother-in-law care for Lisa sent me into a tailspin.
“At the end of the day, as the sun was setting, I was fuming and I felt like screaming. So I did.
“Hey,” I shouted across the canyon, “Do you know what day it is?”
“No one answered. So I screamed again.
“It’s my birthday!”
"David and Lisa just looked at each other. They probably thought I’d lost my mind. Mike proved he was caught off guard when he said,“Are you kidding me?”
“It was just like Mike to forget my birthday, again. How difficult could it be to remember August 4 each year? I certainly remembered his birthday every September 10. I stewed the rest of the time we hiked, recalling how affectionate Mike had been, and how he used to make a big fuss about my birthdays, about Christmas, about everything.”
Anne recalled Mike had thought of her birthday back in 1991, but only because she helped him remember. He left the house and came back a bit later with a pair of biking gloves. He slapped them on the kitchen table and said, “There’s your birthday gift.”
“I felt slighted. His efforts to drive a half mile to the bike shop for those gloves didn’t match the time and effort I took each year to make his birthday a day to remember. Years later, when we would talk about his behavior while we were dating, I would refer to it as false advertising.”
Back to Work
Back from vacation, the couple resumed their hectic schedules at work, and at the house. Helen had asked them to attend counseling with her. She was convinced Anne and Mike would give her baby a good home, the kind of home she couldn’t provide.
Still, they were hesitant. While they appreciated Helen’s choosing them to adopt her baby, Anne was reluctant, thinking the young girl’s offer was quite impulsive.
Each time Helen repeated her request, Mike became more convinced she meant what she was saying. Anne remained skeptical. That afternoon, with the counselor present, Helen again insisted she wanted Anne and Mike to adopt her baby. More conversation followed.
Anne couldn’t help but remember being told she and Mike would literally need to have someone select them as parents and place a child in their arms, if adoption were to happen. They exchanged glances, and then looked at Helen. There was an unmistakable look of relief on the young girl’s face when Anne and Mike agreed to her request.
The next morning, Anne did additional research and identified an adoption agency in the area willing to work with them to facilitate Helen’s request. She also learned the specifics of the adoption process. They would need to complete a mandatory and rigorous home study course.
“Mike and I found the term ‘home study’ to be a misnomer. While we were expected to continue with counseling, we didn’t have to study—we quickly learned we would be studied. We were subjected to background checks, including credit references and employment history. We were fingerprinted.
“There was more. Our home had to meet specific physical requirements. People conducted safety inspections, and when something didn’t meet expectations, we had to either make the necessary changes or hire them done. We had to fix a broken window, and we had to have the water tested to be sure it met state standards. Everything took time—time to schedule visits from the adoption agency, time to schedule what work we couldn’t do, and time to then again have a follow-up inspection.
“It was frustrating to be put under a microscope, with every facet of our lives investigated. If I’d been pregnant, no one would have inspected our home or checked into our finances or cared about our employment history.”
There didn’t seem to be enough hours in the day. God spoke to Anne’s heart, saying it was time to leave her job. He didn’t have to convince her. The counseling, the house, the appointments—something had to change.
At each counseling session, the counselor would meet first with Helen. Then, she’d send her to the waiting room and meet with Anne and Mike.
“Mike was convinced the adoption was going to happen. My lack of enthusiasm was something Mike didn’t understand. I wasn’t convinced about the adoption—as a woman I believed the minute Helen gave birth she’d never give up her baby.”
Late one November night, as they readied for bed, Mike opened his Bible and read scripture, and then he and Anne again prayed for Helen and her baby. They had learned earlier that day, during a counseling session, that Helen had been in an abusive relationship with a thirty-seven-year-old man and he wasn’t happy that she’d gotten pregnant. At some point, Helen had managed to leave that relationship. She moved back to her parents’ home. The relationship between them was strained.
Church Support
Anne and Mike continued to find a source of joy in their involvement at church. People there knew about a young woman wanting the Schlegel’s to adopt her baby, and the women wanted to throw Anne a baby shower.
“I kept declining. I knew the women’s hearts were in the right place and they meant well, but I knew we weren’t going to be parents. It concerned me that Mike had his hopes too high. I continued teaching fourth-graders, and we found the services uplifting and encouraging. We valued the friendships we were making.
“At night, we were tired, and we realized that with all we had on our plates it was good we weren’t any older than we were, or the remodeling alone might do us in.
“And there was the money, or the lack of it; money for Helen’s doctor and counseling appointments, day-to-day living expenses, and the money for the home study through the adoption agency. The agency would use the results of the study to determine our suitability to adopt.
“Above everything else, there was Mike’s illness and the heavy demands of his residency.”
Late the night of December 4, 1997, Anne and Mike felt more exhausted than usual, and they couldn’t wait to get to bed and rest. As they settled into the comfort of their king-size bed, Mike thought it best to find a short scripture. Anne watched as her husband opened his Bible to the Old Testament section. She waited as he ran his hand down the page, and then listened as he began reading.
“Sing, O barren one . . . “
***
Anne was sitting across the table from me, but when she shared what Mike had begun reading that night, it was obvious she was reliving that exquisite moment. She had waited so long for Mike to read those words from Isaiah. God had chosen parents for Helen’s child. Would Anne still think Helen would keep her child? I knew the answer—but I didn’t know the specifics. Would things go smoothly, or would there be hiccups? Anne had to leave for an appointment, so I would have to wait at least a week to hear the details.
Chapter Twelve