Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Thirteen
Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version,
copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a division of Good News Publishers.
Used by permission. All rights reserved.
A Child Is Born
For you shall not go out in haste, and you shall not go in flight, for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard. Isaiah 52:12
“When Mike began reading the first verse of Isaiah 54, I threw off the covers and began running around the room. He was reading my fleece! We were going to have a baby!”
“’Mike! We have to go shopping’!” I yelled. “’We need things for the nursery.”’
“Mike looked at me as if he didn’t recognize me.”
“Was that your fleece?”he asked, in a tone of disbelief.
“’Yes, yes, Mike. And now I know we’re having a baby’.”
“’It took Mike a bit of effort to calm me down. He also helped me realize it would be best for both of us if we slept for a few hours before going shopping.’”
The Baby Shower
Their friends at church were happy for the Schlegels, and the women prepared to host a baby shower for Anne. At least fifty ladies attended. Their excitement nearly matched Anne’s and Mike’s. Before opening each present, Anne carefully read the accompanying card. Each soft-to-the-touch gift was one she knew she would treasure, and she couldn’t wait to place them in the baby’s room.
“We decided to use one of the two upstairs bedrooms as a nursery. Finally, I was doing the things I had always dreamed of—getting everything ready for our baby.
“We soon learned the situation at home was becoming unbearable for Helen. As her due date neared, doctors determined she had preeclampsia. She felt nervous staying and she told us of her concerns.
“Mike and I decided it would be best for Helen to stay with us.”
On December 8, four days after Mike had begun reading Anne’s fleece, the two helped Helen settle into the upstairs bedroom next to the nursery.
“Even though our bedroom was downstairs, it was stressful having someone else living in the house. There would have been stress no matter who the guest, but this guest was carrying our child. Having Helen stay with us allowed us to honor our commitment to her and the baby who would soon be ours.
“I continued taking Helen to her check-ups. We were both concerned about the preeclampsia. Doctors continued to monitor the condition. Meanwhile, we learned Helen’s high blood pressure, and the large amounts of protein in her urine, could prove fatal for her and her baby.”
In addition to concerns about Helen’s and the baby’s health, Anne had another concern. She felt sure once Helen held her baby, she would change her mind and not be agreeable to the adoption process. Anne knew if she were in Helen’s shoes, she wouldn’t give up her child.
“Mike and I clearly remember the day the adoption agency requested a joint counseling session. The counselor met with Helen for a few minutes, then asked us to join them.
“We sat down, not sure what to expect. I thought Helen looked especially nervous. The counselor asked us to listen as she outlined Helen’s desires following the birth of her baby. We felt crushed when we learned Helen specifically wanted an open adoption.
“When we heard this, we felt sure our lives as adoptive parents would be greatly interrupted.”
An open adoption meant the Schlegel’s and the baby’s biological family would have contact information for each other, and either family could initiate the right to open contact. This could mean anything from exchanging information via mail, to face-to-face visits.
“The counselor told us Helen would want pictures of her child every six months. At the same time, she would want an update on her baby’s physical and emotional well-being.
“Mike and I agreed to Helen’s terms—thankful she wasn’t asking for visitation rights or anything more that would disrupt our lives.”
Helen Gives Birth
Helen’s doctors had planned to induce labor because of the preeclampsia. At her request, Anne accompanied her to the hospital.
“That day, I realized I had protective, maternal feelings towards Helen. I was grateful she wanted me with her. When the baby’s heart rate dropped to zero, Helen was rushed into surgery for an emergency C-section.
“She asked me to stay with her, and she also asked if I would pray for her, out loud.”
As the baby boy was lifted from Helen’s womb, a doctor began the suturing process. Anne stayed right there, stroking Helen’s hair and comforting her as a mother would her child. A nurse took the baby from the doctor’s hands. Once his heart rate was settled and he was breathing on his own, they cleaned him up and wrapped him in a warm blanket.
“Long before Helen delivered, we had considered baby names. God had told me we were to name this child Noah, and Mike agreed. We also agreed Noah’s middle name would be David, named for his Uncle David, Mike’s brother."
Noah entered the world the afternoon of December 18, 1997, weighing five pounds. He was twenty-one inches long.
The nurses knew Helen was giving her son up for adoption and they weren’t happy. They were in concert with the hospital’s pro birth mother philosophy, which meant staff opposed any woman giving up a child for adoption.
Helen was still lying on the delivery table when one of the nurses stepped from behind the privacy curtain, and deliberately ignored Anne. The nurse was holding Helen’s newborn son. She looked at Helen and said, “Here’s your baby, Mom.”
Helen kept her arms at her side as she turned to look for Anne. When she saw Anne’s face, Helen looked directly at her and said, “Take your baby, Mom.”
Holding Baby Noah
“When that nurse heard what Helen had said, she stepped around the head of the surgical table and placed our son in my arms. Tears flowed down my face, soaking the surgical mask I wore. I guess my tears took some of my makeup with them, sending streaks of color into the mask.
“The doctor performing the suturing looked up and asked if I was okay.
“'I’ve waited eleven years to hold my baby. You can’t imagine how this feels,' I told him."
Anne held her son close. Mike was standing outside the surgery room window. She turned so she could see Mike and he could see their son; tears splashed down his face too. He blew Anne and Noah a kiss.
“The hospital made arrangements for us to have a room for ourselves, so we could bond with Noah. We could have our son with us when it wasn’t necessary for him to be in the nursery. Because of his low birth weight, we wouldn’t be able to take him home until he was stable.
“We appreciated the room and the time with our son, but we were treated like people looking to steal a baby.
“The hospital refused to honor us as adoptive parents. The birth certificate listed our son as ‘baby boy Winston.’ Staff insisted this was a legal requirement and told us until the adoption was finalized, the certificate had to list the birth mother’s last name.
“Mike and I knew Helen would also be in the hospital until she recovered. But with all the open rooms, we couldn’t believe the staff chose to put her in a room directly across the hall from us.
“I had gone to the nursery, at Helen’s insistence, to learn how to bottle-feed Noah. The staff wanted her to breast-feed, but she refused. When it was time for Noah’s second feeding, a nurse grabbed him from my arms and left the room.
“Mike followed the nurse, and I followed Mike. We saw the nurse take Noah into Helen’s room, where we could see lots of people. We were afraid we wouldn’t get our son back, so we kept watch. Mike stayed near the room, where it would be easy for him to see anyone who came and went. I went back to the nursery, and as I walked past Helen’s room, I could see she was holding Noah.
“We knew, and we knew Helen also was aware, that legally, the state of Virginia mandated she had twenty-eight days to change her mind about the adoption. In addition to the stress of Noah’s low birth weight, we were more stressed wondering if she would, at any second, change her mind.
“It was more than I could stand—I realized in that moment what the term ‘mother bear instinct’ meant. It was all I could do to keep myself from walking into that room and taking Noah from Helen’s arms just as the nurse had taken him from mine.
“Later, we learned Helen’s family had asked to see her baby. Sympathetic towards Helen, the staff was eager to honor the family’s request. Nurses waited two hours before they brought Noah back to us—and when they did, he was hungry and crying.”
Helen Contacts Anne
Noah gained a few ounces and began thriving. Three days after his birth, Mike, Anne, and their newborn son left the hospital for home.
“It was a surreal experience for us. Unlike other parents, we were returning to the house in the same condition as when we had left—I wasn’t suffering from lack of sleep or experiencing any post-partum symptoms. It was as if we had come home with a little guest.
“It was quite the experience, too, having Noah with us that first Sunday we attended church as a family. The previous Sunday we weren’t parents. Now our friends couldn’t wait to greet us and coo at Noah.
“We did our best to settle into a routine at home, adjusting to Noah’s feeding schedule and working to also get him into a sleep schedule. I was so thankful I had listened to God and left my job when I did.
“We were experiencing the kind of sleep deprivation that comes with being new parents, and Mike’s PNH symptoms were getting worse. I was grateful I could stay home with Noah; I didn’t want to miss out on a single minute of watching him grow and gain weight. We loved those moments when his personality began to show.
“Mike was willing to help with feedings and diaper changes, but most of the time I did them myself—not because I didn’t appreciate his help, but because it was what I had been waiting a lifetime to do.”
And then, the crying jags began. Noah would cry non-stop; his high-pitched, often ear-piercing screams sometimes lasting five and six hours.
“I rocked and rocked my colicky baby; nothing seemed to calm or soothe him. But when my friend Darlene learned about Noah’s crying jags, she offered a solution. I had reservations about her suggestion, but exhaustion dictated I give her idea a try.
“I took my screaming little boy and a blanket to the laundry room, and folded the blanket to fit the top of the dryer. Then I put Noah on top of the blanket and turned the dryer on. Almost immediately, he stopped screaming, and within a few minutes the warmth and hum of the dryer had put him to sleep.
“I couldn’t very well leave my baby; to let him sleep and to help with my own exhaustion, I planted my feet about twelve inches apart and about ten inches from the dryer. I leaned over Noah to protect him from falling, and we both were able to nap.
“Sleeping draped over my baby with the dryer running wasn’t my idea of real sleep, but it allowed me to get some rest and it provided Noah temporary relief from colic.”
When Noah was twelve weeks old, Helen called.
“Hi Anne,” Helen said. “I’d like to meet with you. Could you meet me at the Green Briar Mall this Thursday at noon?”
“I told Helen I could do that, but since I didn’t have a sitter, I’d be bringing Noah with me.
“I was nervous about meeting Helen, but I chose to honor my commitment. We talked for a couple minutes, but I was needing to use the bathroom. I knew the mall well enough to know the restroom stalls were too small to accommodate Noah’s carrier. The thought of leaving Noah with Helen, even for a moment, was gut wrenching, but I soon had no choice.
“I told Helen I needed to use the restroom, and asked her to watch my son for a minute. She agreed. I returned in what I was sure was record-setting time, and when I exited the restroom, I saw Helen reaching for my son.
“As I approached, she looked at me and said Noah was restless and fussy. I hurried to the carrier and picked Noah up to comfort him."
Later that day, Mike was eager to hear about the women’s conversation, curious as to why Helen had wanted to meet.
“When I started to answer his question, I realized that Helen never did say why she wanted to see me.”
Mike’s Health
Mike’s physical condition was getting worse. Taking care of both him and Noah meant Anne experienced degrees of exhaustion she hadn’t known before.
“We realized how quickly time had passed since Mike had been diagnosed with PNH, back in February of 1995. I remembered the day he drove into the yard in our little blue Civic, the car that ran like a roller skate.
“I watched Mike get out of the car. He came up to me, put his hands inside the hood of my coat, and cradled my chin. It was then he told me about his diagnosis. I heard anger in his voice. Later, he told me about an experience with a lab technician in the oncology lab.
“We were relieved to learn leukemia had been ruled out, but our frustration continued as test after test came back inconclusive. Mike had always been healthy and active. He took good care of himself. We believed his love for biking and backpacking in the mountains helped keep him fit. At one point he told me his staying in top physical shape helped him be a good provider.
“The day Mike told me about his diagnosis, my faith didn’t waver; I knew God wasn’t going to let him die. Never once, even after we became parents, did I think I would lose Mike. I remembered the prayer God had led me to pray for him that day in the hospital and I remembered those words on the television screen.
No, Mike wasn’t going to die. I was sure of it.
“But there was one thing I wasn’t sure about. I couldn’t see myself staying with him long-term. He wasn’t the same man I had dated and married.
“I felt strongly about the vows I had taken, but I wasn’t feeling loved and supported in our relationship. That made it difficult for me to think about the future. My feelings of disappointment were much stronger than the disillusionment I had experienced early on in our marriage.
“I truly didn’t know what I was going to do.”
***
Feeling disappointed was far worse for Anne than adjusting to parenthood, dealing with sleep deprivation, and coping with Mike’s illness and change in behavior. They both were dealing with a maximum level of stress. What would other women do in the same circumstances? Was Mike aware of Anne’s feelings? I looked at Anne. The expression on her face gave no clue about what I’d learn at our next meeting.