Lashed By Storms- CH 2

Chapter Two

Life as a Teenager

Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you. Deuteronomy 5:16

“Hearing God say Mike was the man I was to marry wasn’t the first time I heard Him speak,” Anne explained. “My parents’ divorce got ugly, ugly to the point I vividly remember being subpoenaed out of high school algebra class to testify in court. I’d had conflicting feelings about whether to live with my mom or my dad.

“I kept thinking their divorce was my fault, wondering what I could do to keep my parents together. Every day I questioned myself, while working harder to be the best daughter I could. Every night, I prayed the same prayer, asking God to make things the way they had been between my parents.”

The day Anne had to appear in court, her mother’s attorney hammered her with questions. She wanted Anne to testify against her dad. The more questions the attorney asked, the more questions of her own Anne asked.

One glance at her mother, who appeared to be stoned, was a sign to Anne. Her mother would need her. She glanced at her dad. She knew he could manage on his own.

Anne hated being in the middle. Her prayers for her parents had gone unanswered.

“Thankfully, the judge tired of the hard-hitting questions. I can still hear his gravelly voice, edged with anger, silencing my mom’s attorney. Suddenly, it was quiet in the courtroom. I dreaded what I knew the judge was going to ask. I heard God speak to my heart. But what He was telling me didn’t make sense—I was to live with my dad. But it was my mother who needed me.

“I felt the judge’s eyes focused in my direction. He asked me who I wanted to live with.

“I knew it was time to listen to what God had told me. I knew if I ever needed guidance in making decisions, my dad would be the only one who could help me. So that’s what I told the judge.

“On my way out of the courtroom to return to class, I pondered the clarity with which God had spoken to me. I thought about John 10:27: My sheep hear my voice . . . I had heard God.”

After much acrimony, the divorce was final, which proved the breaking point for Margie. She shunned her youngest daughter. Eventually her addictive, co-dependent behavior caught up with her at work, and she was dismissed. It was the first time in her professional career she’d been fired.

“When I did see my mom after she’d been let go, she asked me to steal money from my dad. I worked at a Perkins restaurant during summer vacation, 1982. Because I still felt responsible for my parents’ divorce, I gave my earnings to my mother. At that point, she couldn’t hold a job for more than a few weeks at a time. Giving Mom what I was earning somewhat eased my feelings of guilt for not living with her.”

In September of 1982, Anne’s dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. He’d been a two-pack-a-day smoker since the age of eleven. Anne’s father needed her. Now she understood why God had so clearly directed her to live with him.

“My dad’s diagnosis hit me hard. I knew he had stayed with my mom as long as he did for the sake of us kids. My dad had always been a stable influence in my life, from as early as I could remember. I loved him more than I loved Mom.”

Pastor’s Visit

In the early years of their marriage, John and Margie had been church goers, taking Anne and her siblings with them. They longed for their children to be saved. One day, the family pastor visited their home. He, John, and Margie discussed the fact that Anne had accepted Christ and wanted to be baptized. But the pastor didn’t agree to the idea.

“I remember that preacher telling my parents I wasn’t old enough, and that I wouldn’t understand what I was doing. He refused to baptize me. He told my parents to just keep bringing me to church, and that when I was older and knew what I was doing, he’d be happy to baptize me.

“My parents weren’t at all happy with the pastor, and several days later, at bedtime, they both knelt with me beside my bed and prayed with me. It was sweet of them . . . I prayed the prayer of salvation.

“I couldn’t forget the pastor’s words. They kept repeating in my head. For that reason, I must have prayed the prayer of salvation what seemed a million times, acknowledging I was a sinner and asking Jesus to live in my heart. I felt I just had to keep praying to know I was saved. Then, one night, after I had prayed, confirmation of my salvation came, clear and unclouded.

“’Anne, you are saved.’”

“God had spoken to me. I was overjoyed! I remember wrapping my arms tight around my shoulders, and imagined hugging God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I blew them kisses, signs of my love and affection. In a practice I would continue, I was always careful to send equal numbers of hugs and kisses to each member of the Trinity.”

Taking Care of Dad

After her parents’ divorce, Anne worked to keep up with the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping, as well as her school work. She desperately wanted things to be as they had been, with all her family living under one roof and everyone getting along. Her older sister, Dawn, was married and living in California, and her brothers were off experiencing life away from home.

“I did my best to care for dad through endless radiation and chemo treatments. He seldom complained. When he felt the urge to smoke, I’d go to the local gas station for a pack of cigarettes. It was legal for kids to buy cigarettes in 1982, and with all he was going through, bringing him cigarettes was one way I could please him.”

Anne and her dad didn’t talk much about his illness. She did what she could to care for him, while also keeping up with the house and her homework. There were unpleasant tasks, such as caring for the incision doctors had made when removing what cancer they could. Infection had set in. It should have been Margie or another nurse performing the daily tasks involved in cleaning out the infection. Sometimes it was all Anne could do to keep from gagging.

The day came when doctors told John there was nothing more they could do. His weight had dropped to 125 pounds. He was advised his pain could be better managed if he were hospitalized.

“Dawn came from California, and she, my brothers, and I spent all the time we could with Dad, making sure one of us was with him at all times during those final three days in the hospital. One afternoon, we all left his room for a moment to get a breath of fresh air and comfort each other. When we returned, we found he had left us.

“We made arrangements for a service to honor Dad, whom we knew had loved us unconditionally. We had the committal service at the cemetery in Clayton, Indiana. I was eighteen years old. I felt ninety-eight.

“For a long time after Dad died, I spent each night pouring my heart out to God. Part of what I poured out was my thanks for the parting gift he had given me. Shortly before leaving us, Dad pulled me close, saying he wanted to speak with me. I had no idea what he was about to tell me. What he said was, “’Anne, I want you to know that you are a beautiful young lady. And to be beautiful, you have to be beautiful on the outside and the inside.”’

“I was blown away. My dad thought I was beautiful? For so many years, I had envied my sister’s thin, hundred-pound frame. I had always thought Dawn was the favorite daughter. My dad thought I was beautiful! I knew he had seen my heart.

“I had to wonder if he knew what a precious gift he gave me.”

University

Weariness filled Anne in May 1983, when she shook the hand of her high school principal in exchange for her diploma. What should have been a time of celebration was instead one of exhaustion and sadness. Despite missing lots of school while caring for her dad, Anne had managed passing grades. She applied to and was accepted into Ball State University.

Before and after classes, Anne packed boxes, helping prepare her dad’s house for sale. Packing gave her time to relive memories of more pleasant days. She helped with arrangements for the sale of the house where she’d grown up, the home where she had accepted Christ. When it sold, she physically walked away from the childhood she felt had already been stolen.

“My energy was sapped. I was often late to classes. There were days I didn’t have the energy to make it there. When Christmas break came, I signed the obligatory drop-out form. I rented an apartment off campus. Isaiah 40:28-31 kept coming to mind:

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the end of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

“I was desperate to rest and clear my head. I needed to renew my strength.”

***

Anne’s body language changed often as she shared intimate details of her childhood. A smile would give way to a frown. Neither hid the pain I heard in her voice when she talked about feeling ninety-eight. Her childhood had indeed been stolen.

As I began thanking Anne for being so open, her cell phone rang. A smile crossed her face. From her conversation, I learned Noah was calling to share some news about school. She offered her oldest son words of encouragement and support, something Anne didn’t hear from her mother after Margie filed for divorce.

As we parted company, Anne said next time we met she would tell me about her and Mike’s wedding.

I looked forward to hearing every detail.

Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version,

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Chapter Two

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