Lashed By Storms- CH 8

Chapter Eight

Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version,

Anne Serves on the Simon Lake

But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. Psalm 3:3

            In February 1993, Anne flew into Barcelona, Spain. Capt. Rollerstan had hired her to serve as an ombudsman on the Simon Lake. After meeting the ship in Palma de Mallorca, Spain, she and other Navy families rode the vessel for twenty-four hours until arriving in La Maddalena, Italy. Mike was now a lieutenant on the Simon Lake, serving as a staff medical officer.

            Anne and Mike knew it was unusual to have an officer’s wife in the capacity of ombudsman, particularly on the same ship. Because Mike was a physician, the captain granted an exception. Usually ombudsmen were the spouses of enlisted sailors.

            “When I first spoke with the captain, he seemed quite impressed with my background, my enthusiasm, and my relatively young age. He felt I could relate to the young spouses who made up the majority of the crew.

            “In my new position, I served as a liaison between the ship, the captain, and the civilian family members. This meant my meeting with the captain, often to give him feedback from the families, and to gain information from the captain to relay to the families. Another ombudsman, Debbie, and I helped relocate some 1,200 sailors and their family members from Virginia to La Maddalena.

            “I had wanted to be an ombudsman for several reasons: I had time on my hands, I had no children, and I wanted to learn more about the Navy. I felt I could do a good job. I thought I had good management skills, and I could easily relate to people.

             “When we counted the number of family members coming to join the 1,200 sailors, there were more than 5,000 people relying on two ombudsmen. For those family members, reaching La Maddalena was no quick journey. They first had to fly into Rome, fly to the Island of Sardinia, take a three-hour car ride to Palau, and then take the ferry from Palau to La Maddalena.

            “Many of the young spouses had a hard time adjusting to La Maddalena; there was nothing American there. It was old world Italy—no fast food and no shopping malls. We found the small island to be a wonderful experience, given we were young and only married for four years.”

            “I didn’t want anyone to be disappointed. Looking back, I realize I failed to set boundaries. There were always people coming and going, and I was available to help with any questions or concerns. That made it difficult for the two of us to escape work.

            “As much as we could, we ‘escaped’ and went to Corsica; a thirty-minute drive and then and hour ferry. It felt like a world away, and we couldn’t get there often enough. Corsica remained a special place. In fact, we put it on our bucket list, looking forward to a return visit as an anniversary gift to each other.”

            Failing to set boundaries did one thing for Anne; it made her feel needed, which provided a temporary boost to her self-esteem. It also made her realize how much she missed family. However, family did visit.

            “My mom came to visit for six weeks. Long before that time was up, Mike and I were feeling the strain that happens when family, or company, stays too long. What mother visits for six weeks? I couldn’t believe I had agreed to that.

            “Mike and I made the best of the time, and at one point, I thought Mom’s staying with us so long might help her sober up. It didn’t—and I was too co-dependent to tell her to go home. Mike’s duties meant he didn’t have as much time to spend around Mom, but when time allowed, we took her on touring and sightseeing trips. We did all we could to make her stay a memorable one.

            “Mike’s parents had always managed to visit us at each of his duty stations in the States, and they always limited those visits to two or three days. Both of us would have loved to share our favorite spots in Europe with Rex and Barbara, but her health didn’t permit them traveling that far.”

            Because Mike was the primary doctor on the Simon Lake, he and Anne were seldom free to take holidays off unless he was able to secure a fill-in doctor. When their time permitted, they toured in Europe, often spending three or four days in one location.

            “We absolutely loved Mediterranean sunrises and sunsets. We toured as much as we could in Switzerland, Germany, and Austria. We checked out much of Italy, particularly Rome, Venice, Florence, and the Island of Sardinia, right along with La Maddalena.

            “It was in La Maddalena where we tasted and fell in love with Italian cheeses, especially Manchego. We agreed it was something we would look for back in the States. Other times, we took our tandem bike, ferried to the Island of Corsica, France, and rode up the coast, stopping to visit many of the small towns.

            “When we tired of biking, we’d backpack through the mountains. I couldn’t get enough. It was a beautiful and romantic time in our lives, and to this day, Mike and I have fond memories of Europe, especially our time spent in Sardinia and La Maddalena.”

            Time passed quickly their first year in Italy, thanks to busy work schedules and sightseeing. But it stopped when the Captain handed them a message from the Red Cross.

Home to Indiana

            The message they’d been given was serious—Barbara Schlegel’s health had taken a sharp turn. A travel service available to active duty military made the necessary travel arrangements for Mike and Anne to reach Indiana. They were thankful protocol had been followed. Normally an ombudsman would deliver such news. Given that Anne herself was an ombudsman, it would have been awkward and inconsiderate for anyone other than Capt. Rollerstan to hand them the urgent message.

            “I could tell Mike was having a hard time believing things could be so bad for his mom. He had seen her rally so many times in the past, and he told me he knew she’d do it again.”

            Mike and Anne made it into JFK Airport in New York, but there would be at least an hour delay until they would leave for Chicago. From there, they would fly into Indianapolis. They tried to rest in the airport terminal, but it was a struggle.

            They were anxious to get to Barbara’s side, and to be there for Rex. Their preparations to leave the ship had been hurried, and with time on their hands, they were both deep in thought.

             “After what seemed an eternity, we landed in Indianapolis on one of the coldest days on record at that time. Every breath hurt in the twenty-eight degrees below zero temps. That didn’t account for the wind chill. We were fighting the extreme cold and severe jet lag as we made our way to Indiana University Hospital and Barbara’s room."

Meeting Barbara

            Anne had fond memories of the time Mike had taken her home to meet his parents; they had said to come for dinner.

            “When Mike and I walked in, his mom was peeling vegetables. After Mike introduced me, I asked Barbara if I could help with the meal. She accepted my offer, and checked on the roast while I finished peeling potatoes and carrots. After dinner I helped wash pots and pans, and then asked Barbara for the sink cleanser. She wanted to know why I needed it. I told her that a job wasn’t done until it was done right, and that I’d clean up the sink.

            “I hadn’t slept well the night before, and with the stress of meeting Mike’s parents, I could feel what had been a dull ache behind my eyes turning into a full-blown headache. I walked into the spacious Schlegel family room, took off my shoes, and lay down on the full-size couch.

            “Barbara’s reaction caught me by surprise. I heard her say, “’Look at that, Mike! Any other girl you’ve brought home has just sat with her legs crossed in a chair, doing nothing. Anne pitched in and helped, and now she feels so much at home she’s resting on the couch. Mike, this is the girl you should marry!’”

            Anne remembers Mike’s face turning beet red when he heard his mother’s comment. When they left later that evening, Anne thanked Barbara for a delicious meal and gave her a hug.

            She had no idea she had just introduced the Schlegel family to hugging.

A Pattern of Behavior

            “I was a bit surprised to see Mike’s mother perk up when we entered her hospital room. Mike didn’t seem so surprised. Later, Barbara told us she was actually alarmed to see us—she thought it meant she was dying. She was sure we wouldn’t have flown from Italy if that weren’t the case.

            “A week after we had arrived, Barbara was out of the hospital and back in her own bed. Mike’s relief was evident. He was thankful his mother had once again rallied. He didn’t have to tell me what he was thinking—I knew. His mother was only fifty-four and this was an established pattern. He told me with good care and some time, his mother would soon be back to her church and community activities.

            “After the first week, we decided it would be best for Mike to return to Italy and the Simon Lake. We agreed I’d stay behind to help Barbara and Rex. Rex’s practice was busy and we knew he’d handle his wife’s latest health scare better by getting back to his patients."

Two Women Visit

            Anne cleaned house and scrubbed floors on her hands and knees. She knew Barbara would appreciate her attention to detail, just as she always had—taking time to move pictures and knickknacks and dust under, rather than around, them. She also saw to it that Rex’s dress shirts were starched and ironed just the way he liked. When she wasn’t busy cleaning or cooking, and Barbara had the energy, the two women would visit.

            “I learned Barbara had been told, after her diagnosis, that with proper care and treatment, she could live another twenty years; her disease was manageable. What had been difficult for her to accept was that the disease could lead to either myelofibrosis or acute leukemia. She knew if she developed myelofibrosis, scar tissue would fill her bone marrow, and if she developed acute leukemia, her health would quickly deteriorate.

            “Barbara shared with me the frustration of the disease interrupting her life. In hushed tones, as if she were afraid to have even me hear, she gave voice to all that had gone through her mind at the time: the mental struggle, the thought of not being able to raise her boys, the frustration of her doctors working to make her less susceptible to blood clots, only to learn it would be a short-term fix. Her blood would get thick again, and it would be time for another thinning procedure.

            “Mike had told me much of what Barbara was telling me, but certainly not everything. Even Mike didn’t know about the dark times his mother had endured. After lots of struggle, she reached a point where she was able to say she was living with cancer and that she wouldn’t let polycythemia vera interfere with any of her commitments.

            “Sometimes I called Barbara ‘Mom Schlegel;’ other times I called her ‘Barb’—which term I used depended on the nature of our conversations.

“We’d grown close over the years—she had brought a sense of family stability, holiday traditions, and maternal dependability to my life. I had an opportunity to thank her for that. And we loved playing double solitaire, always with a lot of laughs. We even managed to share a good laugh over the pastel peach icing on our wedding cake—her way of taking control over something in which she hadn’t been given any say.”

Time to Leave

            After a month at the Schlegel home, Anne couldn’t postpone returning to Italy. It wouldn’t be easy. She could see how ill her mother-in-law was. She did what she could, taking meal trays to Barbara’s room, often with fresh flowers and a handmade Scripture prayer card. When her mother-in-law felt cold, Anne crawled in bed and held her tight, letting her body heat warm her until Barbara stopped shivering.

            “I could tell just how ill Mike’s mom was. I’d been down that road with Dad. Short of a miracle, she wasn’t going to get better. I had no idea how Rex and his boys were going to handle the changes I knew were coming. All I could do was pray and put her, and them, in God’s hands.

            “God was working in Mom Schlegel’s life. He was using her illness to soften her heart. The more we talked, the more I realized she had a less judgmental attitude about many things. She was demonstrating a level of kindness towards others that I hadn’t seen before. That kindness included nurses.”

            Anne and Rex arranged for hospice care. A nurse came every other day to care for Barbara’s percutaneous indwelling central catheter (PICC) line. The PICC had been threaded along a vein in Barbara’s arm and from there into a larger vein in her chest. It served as a channel for drugs, administered by a hospice nurse. The nurse would also flush the line so it wouldn’t become clogged, change the dressing that held the line in place, and, when necessary, replace the cap at the end of the line to decrease chances of infection.

            Before leaving, Anne arranged for a team of women to come in to clean, change bedding, and do laundry. She made sure the same team was scheduled for rotations, along with her sisters-in-law, to bring in meals for Rex and his wife.

“When I finally left for Italy, I couldn’t help but wonder how soon I’d be back.”

***

As an ombudsman, Anne did all she could to help families get settled in an unfamiliar environment. Back in Indiana she did all she could to help Mike’s parents adjust to a new normal, leaving nothing to chance.

God had indeed, I thought, given Anne a servant heart.

Chapter Eight